motions

Today was my “norma”l Monday. Got up from bed, took a shower, blow dry hair, pick out clothes, iron clothes, pack up my bag, get dressed, grab my keys and a bottle of water then I’m out the door. Walked to the train, got a seat (lucky me), grabbed food, walked to the office, ate, got situated and started what I thought would have been my “normal” work day.

It was at 2:50 pm when everything went out of plan. The individuals I had scheduled for a meeting showed up irregularly early, my boss then called informing me that our company had signed on 2 more clients, and the super of the office building stopped by to do repairs. It was at this point that I had wished I cloned myself maybe 3 times over just to get a grip on everything. And then of course my desk toppled over bringing my macbook along with it.

When things had finally settled down and been taken care of, meetings were over, emails had been sent out, post its were put up and I was finally alone in the office, I looked at clock on my mac and thought - where did all the time go?

For years now I have prided myself in being organized, having a plan, then having another plan if that one didn’t work, assembling my tools, creating charts, highlighting events, circling names and so on and so forth that I have completely lost track of time. There’s that quote “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans,” by John Lennon. And honest to God am I a perfect example of this quote. And though this may be true, I’m too stubborn to let go out my need to have a hold on things, my need to make sure that I have a plan B, C, and D, my need to have control. But what kills me is that even with all the planning in the world, why isn’t plan A just ever good enough? Is there something I am constantly missing? I know things may be bound to change because that’s just how the world works but what do is mean when you feel like you constantly need a contingency plan?

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There is dignity in not giving up on someone you truly love. But there is
more dignity in letting them go so they can experience better love. That
shows your true love because you then become unselfish And through
putting others first, unconditional love grows.

There is respect in fighting gallantly to win someone’s heart another time
But an even greater respect comes from fighting hard and knowing when
to stop. Even though you would give anything to have the past back, That
person has touched your life in a way That will make your future so much
brighter.

Accept that, and hold your head high Knowing you have captured their
heart as well.

There is courage in allowing your heart to hurt and grieve But there is
greater courage in knowing it will be scarred But stronger as time goes
on. For whoever caused those scars has made your life better in some
way And it will make you a better person when you marry Because of
what the scars taught you.

Losing the person who meant the most in your life is a humbling
experience, Yet it is even more humbling if you allow it to run your life
And forsake all you have been blessed with When you feel like you have
lost your world.

Remember how many people depend on you and who you are the world
to. There is fortitude in holding on for another chance Although an even
greater fortitude comes from extending your hand And heart in friendship,
realising you will still share things with that person No one else ever will.

You will always have the looks and jokes and memories. Don’t ever
discount how special those things are in your heart and theirs. True love
hurts when it is lost But an even greater love grows inside you through
realisation That something better is in the world for both of you.

And that there are still things to share with that person, Even though some
feelings may have changed. Take their hand and help them achieve their
hopes and dreams Because in that there is dignity, respect, courage,
humility, fortitude, And the unconditional love that will continue to grow in
both of your hearts.

proven right again. for once can i be proven wrong? does vulnerability always have to end in hurt? or does it only end in hurt when you’re too careless?

i guess i was too careless. have to be more careful next time.

*buildup&closedown

trying is not always the answer, nor does it mean that everything will eventually work.
sometimes trying is just prolonging the inevitable.
so i wonder when do you determine that you have tried enough and let the trying end.

The Blowers Daughter- Damien Rice